Wednesday, February 17, 2010

"Modern" Women

I'm watching Dr. Phil right now and can not stop laughing. It's about "modern" women and right now the topic is about women who make more than their husbands/significant others. Dr. Phil warned ahead of time that it would be very politically incorrect since he has feminists, women believing in "traditional" roles of men and women and comedians on the show. I'm finding myself laughing at both the comedians and the serious responses.

I grew up in what I consider a matriarchal family (both immediate and extended) so I always considered myself independent and liberated so I naturally thought I would fall into the feminist category. Well, over time, I found that I'm much more interested in equality and separating responsibilities and all based on strengths and loves regardless of gender. Since I'm crazy about kids and actually like the idea of being a home-maker, I'm sure a year or two down the road I'll look like a perfectly "traditional" housewife. I do not consider myself any less liberated or independent because I'll be the one at home chasing kiddos. If anything, in our situation, I'm the more liberated one because we both want to be home with our kids!

At this time, Kris is making much more than me (since I'm not working at all) but for the first year or two that we were hanging out and dating, I made more than him. Since there wasn't a large difference, it never made a difference to me, but it had come up in previous situations. When you're in your early twenties making 30k+ in a cushy desk job while many of your (same aged) peers are just graduating college or doing retail and entry level work, I often dated guys that made less than me. I honestly had no problem making more and would have no problem if I had much more education or work success than Kris. When I was dating, I would not be able to date a "deadbeat" but when if he was a student or a hard-worker that just didn't have a great paying job, it wouldn't make a difference what number was on the paycheck. Kris is the perfect example of that. I knew I wanted to date him from the time we first started hanging out. At that point he was in a non-paid training at Boeing and I was making decent money at a cushy desk job. That feeling did not change when he started getting paid at Boeing and proved to be a MUCH harder and more dedicated worker than I am, or when his pay surpassed my own.

Coming up is the part that I really wanted to watch the show for! "Should women give up their quest for 'Mr. Right' and settle for 'Mr. Good Enough?" HELL NO! You may never find a Prince Charming with a white horse that cooks and cleans and wants to give you all the children and jewelry and vacations you could want, but you shouldn't settle for someone that has you wishing for more. This isn't the happily married Jenn talking, this is the divorcee talking. If you go into something wishing for something else, you will leave it for something else or be miserable wishing you had. The asterisk to idea is the people that have simple wants, such as companionship, love and commitment with few other priorities. When you're open-minded then it's easier to be happy with what you have instead of holding out for something else.

OOOH, they just made an excellent point! It shouldn't be about settling, EVER, it should ALWAYS be about compromise. We all know (or should know) that Prince Charming is a myth and a fairy tale, but Mr. Right soooo is not. I know it's weird having me give opinions on some love stuff because I lucked out so much with Kris. It's 2 years this month since our first kiss and already we're married and starting a family. We both lucked out so much by both falling in love with each other rather than one or the other and wanting to progress our relationship in the same ways. BUT remember before you discount me! I was divorced at 23 and have a lot of ex's. I know a LOT about what doesn't work in a relationship or love.

OK, those are my thoughts and my working on blogging more. Feel free to let me know what you think :)

God bless!

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